Guilt & Shame: What’s the Difference?
The Nystrom & Associates provider consulted for this article is Rebecca Sanders, MA, LPCC, Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Outpatient Therapist.
Do you know the difference between guilt and shame?
You may think guilt and shame are the same feelings, however, they are vastly different.
While guilt is a result of a perceived wrong, shame is a powerful emotion that deeply affects us.
Guilt vs. Shame
Guilt is when you did (or perceived you did) something wrong. Specifically, guilt relates to an action, rather than yourself. You can experience healthy and unhealthy guilt. For example, say you borrowed money from a friend a week ago and didn’t pay it back, even though you said you would right away. You feel guilty and this causes you to pay the money back and apologize for the delay. Shame, on the other hand, is the feeling that you are bad. It focuses on the behavior and self, not specifically on the mistake or event. Shame assumes that you are wrong. It is an internalized feeling of being fundamentally flawed. Shame doesn’t rely upon having done a particular action. Rather, it focuses on the belief that you are inadequate as a person.Shame is “I am bad.” Guilt is “I did something bad.” How many of you, if you did something that was hurtful to me, would be willing to say, “I’m sorry. I made a mistake?” How many of you would be willing to say that? Guilt: I’m sorry. I made a mistake. Shame: I’m sorry. I am a mistake. -Brene Brown
